Treatise on Why I Am Single

The past few days have truly been eye opening for me in so many ways. As I wind down one professional endeavor and head cautiously, but confidently, into the next, I seem to be bombarded by these situations that reflect a personal life that is, shall we say, on its way to ruin LOL! I've consulted with my male and female friends, thinking there was something I was missing in all this; that somehow or somewhere, there was an answer to all that continued to elude me for its own, personal well being and comedic value. The answer, however, is simple.

Niggas ain't shit.

Now, before you self-respecting, do right by women, handle your business, non-insane brothers get your boxers all in a bunch, know that I am not talking about you. But I must take some artistic liberty with a particular line from that profound anthropologist, Katt Williams, and say, "Don't be offended by my calling you [niggas]. I just don't know all your names." I do know that there are men out there who are holding it down the way a real man is supposed to; you take care of your families, don't cheat on your women, respect all women, maintain a job, and exude a quiet confidence that reaffirms to all women that you, in fact, DO exist.

I'm talking about the ne'er do well, trifling bastards who give ya'll a bad name and cause women to generalize and stereotype based upon the negative interactions these fools pull us into. Try as I might to stay above the fray, I find that more often than not, I'm rolling my eye at some niggie for something he has either said or done - or both. The refrain with which I'm most often met when the eyes begin to roll is that I think I'm "too good".

Let me be very clear; I am. But let me also be more specific. I'm too good FOR YOUR DUMB ASS. Despite the elitism that my friends and family recognize and comment on as a flaw in my personal character, I do not think I'm better than everybody; but I DO admit I'm better than most people and, quite frankly, there's nothing wrong with that. We are social animals that divide ourselves hierarchically and I, personally, see myself closing in on the top. However, those of you that know me know that when I'm in a relationship, all that shit falls to the wayside. Swarthmore, PhD program, Executive Director position means nothing within the context of being held by the man you love even if he only went to Community College or, even better, has no college credit of which to speak. I'm not interested in the money you make, as long as you can take care of yourself. I don't care if you have a degree or not as long as we can have a close game of Scrabble when we play. I don't care what kind of car you drive, as long as it runs and you don't stay asking me to play chauffeur. I am not materialistic in the least, but I am "intellectualistic". Kevin Quinn, I know that is not a word :). If your world is comprised solely of watching the latest music videos and drooling over Nicky Minaj (who IS she, anyway?) and playing video games, you simply have very little to offer me in the realm of things that actually matter to me.

The second refrain with which I am often met is that my standards are too high. I beg to differ. Many of you who know my relationship history could actually argue the opposite is true LOL and I would have to agree! Yes, literacy is critical. You have to know how to read. But beyond that obvious stuff, I have solidified standards that harken back to my sage grandfather, the man from whom I have gotten my notions on how men and women are supposed to interact. Men are supposed to ask ladies for their phone number; men should pull out chairs for women; men should always walk curbside. Yes, it is old fashioned. Yes, it is perhaps antiquated. But it, most importantly, is what I believe. These signs, as small as they are, communicate to me that you, as a man, "get it" on a fundamental level. Now, how you choose to behave AFTER all this is a whole other prayer meeting, but in those first few dates or conversations together, a man should, well, "man up". Take charge. I find that a lot of guys want to assume this macho stance and take charge in all kinds of ways but fail to assume the responsibility that comes along with it. I think guys, in general, would find that if they treated women with respect, we may cook for you far more often and have far fewer "headaches". Guys, these days, want to put in the least amount of effort yet EXPECT maximum results.

Not having it. You guys think that because there is a "shortage" of "eligible" Black men, you can act all willy nilly and disrespectfully and that we, as Black women seeking meaningful relationships, should accept the dregs of your behavior. NO THANK YOU. I need to be clear here as well; I would much rather remain single and alone than deal with the bullshit that comes with being in a situation with a man who respects neither himself nor me. You think I'm staying home to cook while you stay at the club? Negative. You think I'm going to treat you like a king when you try and treat me like the jester? I decline. If you can't respect me, and your behavior confirms such, I don't need to be with you and I won't be with you. It's just that simple.

*Exhale*. I should reiterate that if you are a brother who is holding it down, none of this applies to you in any way. I respect your gangsta and your hustle.

If I can't be the Michelle to your Barack, I will not settle for being the Kim Porter to your Puffy.